Published on March 10th, 2013 | by Derek Slater0
Content: A Devil’s Dictionary
A/B testing – Systematic process of pretending to compare confounding variables to arrive at a pre-determined conclusion.
Aggregation – See ‘curation’.
Analytics – Software that generates a broad range of numbers of uncertain provenance and reliability, from which mathematically unsound extrapolations can be used to create dubious content processes serving everyone and therefore noone
Bounce rate – Percentage of your site visitors who depart immediately for Avinash Kaushik’s blog instead.
Branding – Heating an iron implement in the fire and burning its pattern into the skin of an immobilized cow. Only in a good way.
CMS – Continuous Maintenance Sinkhole.
Content audit – A spreadsheet used by content strategists for a painstaking, arduous task of keeping track of
billable hours, I mean content assets.
Content strategists – A few dozen Web professionals who align content creation processes, UX and information architecture with business goals. Also, several hundred thousand ex-journalists who want jobs.
Conversion – When someone comes to an ecommerce site but experiences a religious enlightenment instead.
Curation – See ‘syndication’.
Editorial calendar – For content marketers, a schedule of content they’d like to cover. For journalists, the opposite.
Pages-per-view – Measure of how well you’ve succeeded in trapping site visitors in an inescapable labyrinth of confusing navigation, redundant pages, and misleading-anchor-text links.
Engagement – Measure of blog commenters who issue creepy drooling marriage proposals to anyone with a remotely attractive photo anywhere on your site.
Opt-in – Like when a vampire tricks somebody and they invite him into their home, not realizing he’s a vampire (see next term).
Opt-out – A theoretical impossibility, like a perpetual motion machine or a Britney Spears a capella album.
Syndication – See ‘aggregation’.
Traffic – Key term for paradigm shift of Web and content design towards regarding site visitors as Pavlov’s dogs, or customers of a meth lab.